Lost and Found (Twist of Fate, Book 1) Page 18

  I scrambled out into the water and grabbed for him, managing to snag his shirt with my hand until I got a better grip on one of his arms. As I pulled him toward me, I saw some gashes on his skin— watery blood pooling for a second before being washed away by the river every time he was splashed. The current tried to pull him out of my grasp, but I held onto him for dear life.

  If the river wanted him, it was damn well going to have to take me too.

  My stockinged feet slipped in the shallow water as I pulled him closer to the bank. I could already feel the numbing of my own feet and was terrified of what that meant for Bennett, who’d been in the water longer. I needed to get him dry and warm as fast as possible.

  Even when I was finally able to pull him to safety, that wasn’t the end of the danger. He was unconscious by then, so I quickly tilted him on the ground to try and get the water out of his mouth and lungs before assessing him. His skin was white and freezing cold. He had a nasty-looking gash on his temple and some scratches on his arm, but those were the only injuries I could see.

  I whacked him on the back and he began sputtering, water coming out of his mouth and nose in choking gasps.

  Once I felt like he was breathing well enough, I grabbed him up in a fireman’s carry, thanking god he wasn’t quite as big or built as I was. I quickly made my way up the riverbank to where I’d left my pack, looking around for a safe place to set up the tent to get Bennett dry and warm.

  Only about fifteen yards away from the bank was a canyon wall with a kind of overhang; it wasn’t really a cave, but it would provide shelter from the wind and the worst of the coming rain.

  Despite my burning muscles, I worked as fast as I could— talking out loud to Bennett, even though I knew he was out of it.

  “Just gonna get the tent put up real quick and then we’ll get you warm,” I murmured, snapping poles and secretly thanking my years of loyalty to the same tent I’d bought as a newbie backpacker. I could put the thing together in my sleep, and this shock was about as close as I’d probably come to doing just that.

  Once the tent was up, I unfurled the sleeping bag and threw it inside, turning to where I’d rested Bennett against the rock wall and my pack. He was in and out of lucidity and mumbled periodically, asking if I was okay.

  “You hurt?” he asked with his eyes closed.

  “No, baby. Just scared for you. Come on, let’s get you undressed as fast as we can.”

  He snorted. “F’you say so.”

  I couldn’t help but smile as I yanked his shirt off him and used my own semi-dry shirt to dry the river water from his skin and hair and mop up the blood on his face and arm. Luckily, both wounds had stopped bleeding. By the time I got him completely naked and inside the sleeping bag, I was half-naked myself. I’d used my drier clothes to dry him off, and then I searched for the small camp stove in my bag to get some water boiling for hot chocolate. I had to get a warm drink in him as soon as possible.

  While the stove took its time heating the water, I stripped the rest of the way and slid inside of the bag next to him. His skin was like ice, and I gathered him up with my arms and legs to try and get as much of my warmer skin against his freezing skin as I could.

  He was shivering terribly and I stared out through the tent flap, willing the water to start producing steam. It seemed to take forever, but I finally saw a tiny white puff of steam unfurl from the pot. I crawled out of the bag to the sound of Bennett’s whimper of complaint.

  “Getting you something warm to drink. Be right back,” I said over my shoulder. When I returned with the giant mug of hot cocoa, I had to prop him up, his back against my front, so I could help him drink it.

  “Just want to sleep, Xander.”

  “I know, baby. But you’ll sleep better once you’re warm, okay? Did you hit your head on a rock? Do you know?”

  I felt his head shake against my chest. “Not sure. Scratched my head,” he said as he lifted his hand to his head but stopped short of touching the bandage I’d covered the wound with. “And bumped my shoulder. My hip…”

  “What’s my middle name?” I asked, trying to remember concussion assessment.

  “Something dorky,” he muttered. “Like Kevin.”

  Unfortunately, he was right.

  “Who’s the president?”

  “Are you trying to upset me?”

  I dropped a kiss on his head and helped him take another few sips. “Okay, I think you’re fine to take a nap, but I’m going to wake you up every once in a while, just to be on the safe side.”

  I emptied the mug of hot chocolate quickly and reached to set it outside the tent before I noticed Bennett try to get up. I held him tight to my chest. “What’re you doing?”

  “Gotta go get Jimmy,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Oh, no you’re not. You just need a little rest first. They’ll be okay,” I said as calmly as I could. I wasn’t about to tell him that even if he was feeling strong and healthy, we stood zero chance of making it to Jake’s camp before the big storm hit. We were going to shelter in place until the worst of the storm was over. That could be just the night or two days, for all we knew.

  “But—” he said sleepily. “I’m fine, I promise.”

  “I know, baby. But I’m really tired. Would it be okay with you if we just rested a little bit? I don’t think I can walk all that way just yet. I’m sorry,” I said softly, feeling his breathing regulate before I even got the words out.

  By the time I got us laid back down in the sleeping bag, he was snoring gently in my arms, and I tried my hardest not to hold him to me in a death grip to make up for nearly costing him everything.

  Instead of falling asleep with him, all I could think about was how many stupid ways I’d let him down or hurt him. Everything from ripping into him the moment he’d stepped off that bus, to fucking him in the woods against a tree and then accusing him of cheating, to letting him attempt a river crossing that was way too fucking dangerous. I’d known better. I’d known better and yet I’d let us try it anyway against my better judgement. And then I’d almost lost him.

  Again.

  Chapter 28

  Bennett

  I was finally warm. Warmer than I’d been in a long time. It kind of made me wonder if I was dead. But were you supposed to still feel pain when you were dead? Because both my head and arm hurt, though not badly.

  When enough awareness returned that I could feel the hot, rough fingers skimming up and down my spine, I knew that, despite the pain, I had to be dead.

  Because there was only one person’s fingers they could be. And the fact that I could feel them on my skin meant one thing.

  I was finally where I’d wanted to be for so very long.

  Naked in bed with Xander.

  Okay, so bed was a stretch, but the sleeping bag was almost better. Even if the ground was hard beneath us, sharing one bag meant there was no choice but to be pressed up against one another. I wanted to believe I was draped across his chest with my palm laying directly over his heart because he wanted me there, but I wasn’t going to hope for something that would only cause me pain when reality intruded once again.

  “Where are we?” I asked.

  “We’re still by the river. We need to wait for the storm to pass.”

  His voice was strange. It was off somehow, but I couldn’t put my finger on what the problem was.

  “Are you okay, Xander?” I asked. I didn’t shift my position because I almost didn’t want to look at him. I was afraid I’d see something in his eyes that I didn’t want to see.

  “No, Bennett,” he responded quietly. “I’m not okay.”

  His fingers kept stroking over my spine, so I remained where I was. He sounded so… broken. It made me afraid to ask him what was wrong. Maybe he was mad at me for what I’d done, but I wouldn’t apologize for it. I’d never apologize for keeping him safe.

  “Tell me about that night.”

  I stiffened at that because it was the last thing I’d
been expecting. Of course, I knew what night he was talking about. But he’d made it clear he didn’t want me to bring it up ever again. “You said—”

  “I’m ready to hear it now.” He paused and said, “All of it.”

  I knew what he was asking, and while the knowledge that he was ready to listen to my side of the story should have been a relief, I was oddly reluctant to talk about it. Despite my hesitation, I knew it was something we needed to lay to rest, and that could never happen if we didn’t face it head on.

  “I had crew practice that afternoon, so I didn’t hear about what had happened until I got home and my mom told me. I begged her to take me to the hospital, but she said no— that it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

  It had been and still was one of my mother’s favorite words. Things were never wrong or right or good or bad. They were just appropriate… or not.

  “I went to my room and tried calling the hospital, but they said they couldn’t give me information about your dad. When I asked to talk to you, they said they couldn’t tie up the phone for personal conversations. I felt so… helpless. I knew you were waiting for me.” I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes and I barely managed to keep them in check when Xander stiffened beneath me just the slightest bit. The move was a confirmation of sorts.

  He had been waiting for me.

  “I’m sorry, Xander, I wanted to be there…”

  He didn’t say anything, but I felt his lips press against the top of my head. The tender gesture was nearly my undoing. But I held myself together so I could continue.

  I owed him that.

  “When my dad got home, I was crazy with worry. And then he told me your dad… that he was gone, and I just couldn’t believe it. I begged him to take me to see you. When he said no, I lost it and began screaming at him. I told him you needed me. He was so pissed,” I murmured as I recalled the fury in my father’s eyes as I’d stood up to him for the first time in my life.

  “Did he hurt you?” Xander asked. I felt the fingers of his other hand come up to play with my hair.

  I shook my head. “No, he just grabbed me and told me never to speak to him like that again. Then he reminded me of our deal.”

  Xander’s body locked up and suddenly he was rolling me onto my back and leaning over me. “What deal?”

  I didn’t realize I’d started chewing on my lower lip until his thumb came up to force my teeth to let go of the tender flesh, and then he was stroking over the sore spot with the pad of his finger. The need to be doing something with my own hands had me reaching up to clasp his arm. I let my fingers trace over the muscles there and immediately felt more relaxed.

  “Right before school started, my dad confronted me and said some stuff. He thought we were getting too close… closer than friends should be. He wanted it to stop. I knew what he was talking about, because I’d started feeling things for you that went beyond friendship,” I admitted.

  “Me too,” he whispered, and then he leaned down to brush his mouth over mine. Pain ratcheted through my entire body at the reminder of everything I’d given up because I hadn’t been brave enough to admit who I was back then.

  “Keep going,” Xander murmured as he let his fingers stroke over my cheek. Having some of his weight pressing down on me was oddly grounding and gave me the strength I needed to continue.

  “He said if I didn’t put some distance between us, he’d have the school revoke your scholarship, and he’d fire your dad. He said you guys would have to move out of Greenwich.”

  Xander’s eyes flared with anger. But his touch remained gentle.

  “I couldn’t lose you, Xander. I just couldn’t. So, I did it. That day in school… our first day…” I began, but my voice cracked so badly I couldn’t continue.

  Xander pressed his forehead to mine. “I get it, baby,” he said softly. “It’s okay.”

  I shook my head. “No, it’s not. I saw your face. I know what you thought.” Before he could deny it to try and spare my feelings, I hurried on. “The night your dad died, my dad said that I was going to have the pool party for the guys from my crew team as planned, and that if I talked to you at all, he’d follow through on having your scholarship taken away. But if I did what he said, he’d let you and your aunt live in the caretaker’s cottage for free until you finished school.” I shook my head. “I thought losing you for one night would be better than losing you forever, Xander,” I croaked.

  “Benny—”

  “No, let me finish, please,” I managed to get out. I wiped at the tears that had started to fall against my will.

  “I was like a zombie when the guys started showing up. I didn’t swim at all… just sat in one of the patio chairs the whole time while I watched those guys swimming in my pool, eating my food… it was all so fucking normal. But inside I was screaming. I wanted to tell them all to get the fuck out so I could find you. I wanted to crawl into your bed and hang onto you and tell you that everything would be okay, even though I knew it wouldn’t be.”

  “Fuck, Benny,” Xander whispered, and then he was lying on his side and pulling me against his chest so his lips were pressed against my forehead. I welcomed the ability to press my face against his throat. His arms were like steel bands around my upper body.

  “My dad came to tell me that you were at the door. He said if I didn’t turn you away…”

  I didn’t finish the statement because I didn’t need to. I couldn’t bring myself to rehash those few moments when Xander had reached for me, tears slipping down his cheeks, arms stretched out, my name a broken whisper on his lips. But just because I couldn’t say it, didn’t mean I wasn’t reliving it.

  “Oh God, Xander, I’m so fucking sorry.” I curled myself into his chest, grateful that he wasn’t pushing me away, because I’d never needed anything more in that moment than to feel him holding me so tight that I’d never have to worry about him letting me go. It was so much more than I’d given him fifteen years ago. I didn’t deserve it, but I took it anyway.

  “Shhh, it’s okay Benny, I understand.”

  I shook my head violently as my tears soaked his chest. “I chose wrong,” I whispered harshly. “You needed me! But I was only thinking about me. About what I’d lose.”

  “Stop it,” he said, his voice thick with anger. “Don’t you dare blame yourself, Bennett Crawford.” He used his fingers to gently tilt my head back enough so I could look into his eyes. “You were a kid. You were faced with an impossible choice… you couldn’t have known how it would turn out.”

  I shook my head because I couldn’t accept him just letting me off the hook like that. Not knowing how he’d suffered so much more than just the loss of his father that night.

  “You said you came to see me that night,” Xander finally said softly after I’d quieted.

  I nodded against his chest. “After I sent you away, I went to my room and cried. I didn’t care what my father thought at that point, and I didn’t care what those assholes at the party thought. I waited long enough for everyone to go home and my parents to go to sleep, and then I snuck out of the house.”

  “But I was already gone.”

  “When I saw all your clothes were gone, I was so fucking scared what it meant. But I told myself it wasn’t true. So, I got in your bed and I waited for you. My dad found me there the next morning. Said you were gone and you weren’t coming back.” I pulled back enough so I could look at him. “What happened to you? Why did you leave Greenwich so fast? What about your father’s funeral?”

  “We didn’t, Bennett,” he said quietly. “Yes, we left the house because I told Aunt Lolly I couldn’t spend another second there. But we just went to a hotel.”

  “What?” I asked, scrambling back enough so I could really see him.

  “We stayed in Greenwich for another week. Long enough for the funeral and for my aunt to get the rest of our stuff from the house… she gave all the furniture and stuff to charity.”

  I suddenly felt too stifled, so I quickly unzipped
the sleeping bag and sat up. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest.

  “He said you were gone!” I yelled. “That’s why I didn’t ask him to let me go to the funeral. I couldn’t go without you.”

  Disbelief tore through me. The betrayal cut so deep that I couldn’t breathe. I’d known my father had been obsessed with keeping me and Xander apart, but to go to such lengths? To blatantly lie to my face, even after knowing how much I’d been suffering. How much Xander had been suffering.

  I felt Xander’s hand come up to rest on my back. “Take deep breaths, Bennett,” he urged as he rubbed circles into my skin. I tried to do as he said, but nothing I did made the breaths come any easier. Xander pressed his forehead against the side of my head and clasped his hand around my throat. “I’m here, baby. He didn’t win.”

  Except he had won. He’d driven us apart.

  “Benny, please, just breathe.”

  The fear in his voice had me focusing on him instead of the agony slicing through my insides. The constriction in my lungs finally seemed to ease and then I was pushing myself into his arms. “I’m sorry, Xander.”

  “Please don’t say those words to me ever again, Bennett,” he said hoarsely. “I should have had more faith in you… in us.” I began to shake my head, but he kissed me hard before I could say anything. “I thought I lost you, Benny. I saw you go into that river and I couldn’t find you at first and then I was watching you struggle to hang on to the rope… seeing you fucking saying goodbye to me…”

  He was shaking violently, so I quickly put my arms around him and pressed a kiss against his neck. “I’m safe, baby,” I whispered in his ear. “You saved me.”

  I felt hot tears sliding down my skin, but this time they weren’t mine. I kept murmuring in Xander’s ear that I was safe and that we were together until he calmed. When we separated just enough to try and catch our breaths I said, “Let’s not let him or anyone or anything else take these last couple of days from us, okay?”

  He nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed as he wiped at his eyes. “God, I’ve missed you so much, Benny.”